Malibu's Most Wanted (2003)

Malibu's Most Wanted

2003

Starring: Jamie Kennedy, Blair Underwood, Taye Diggs, Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall

Directed By: John Whitesell

You viewers picked the movie, and now as promised, I shall review Malibu's Most Wanted. I gave you a list of movies that you wanted to see me tear into like a savage wolf on fresh meat and you chose this one. Well, I hope everyone is satisfied with what I have to say.

Malibu's Most Wanted is about some little wigger (Jamie Kennedy) who thinks that he's black and from the ghetto. His congressman dad hires two actors (Taye Diggs & Anthony Anderson) to drop him off in the "real" ghetto and scare the black out of him. That's it. That's the plot. I've thought of better plots and ideas for movies while vomiting up my lunch.

The story: sucks. The acting: sucks. The directing: sucks. Personally I'd like to find the guys who decided that this would be a good movie and beat the living shit out of them. Director John Whitesell is a no-talent director helming a cast and crew of no-talent morons. With a name like Whitesell, you shouldn't make a movie about wannabe black thugs. He should more or less be called Whitesell-out. Whitesell can be taken as a decendant from a slave owner name, which in this day and age is politically incorrect. With his name alone going against him, directing this movie is not a good way to get ahead in life. The worst part here is his directing resume', which includes: Big Momma's House 2 and Cat's & Dogs 2: Tinkle's Revenge. This man's career couldn't be much worse.

Now, on to Jamie Kennedy, who also co-wrote this garbage. Let's see what Jamie Kennedy has done: Son of the Mask, Scream, Scream 2, and Scream 3. Ok, first off, this jack-off hasn't done shit that makes me want to praise his acting ability, and after seeing Malibu's Most Wanted, I want to douse his acting ability with gasoline and set it on fire. In fact, if burning Jamie Kennedy alive meant that I also would go up in flames with him, then consider me ready to die.

The rest of the cast must have been handsomly paid, because I can't think of any other reason to be a part of this travesty except for money. In Anthony Anderson's case, a year supply of donuts would have done the trick. Any moron with a second grade education could have written this garbage, but it took 4 (yes 4) people to write the script. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT TELL YOU? Four people sat around, smoked some pot, and said: "Hey, let's write a movie about some wannabe white thug and it won't star Eminem, but instead, Jamie Kennedy. Hey Jamie, pass the joint please." Yup, that's what happened, and in an hour and four bags of doritos later, they had a script. Then, Jamie Kennedy sucked some guy off to get funding, then gave John Whitesell a hand-job to direct, because Jamie Kennedy directing is like seeing Ted Kennedy (who just may be his uncle) at happy hour at the strip club.

This movie is so fucking horrible, I had to punch myself in the balls repeatedly to stay focused in order to give it a review. In fact, several times I found myself spacing out and fantasizing about killing everyone who was involved with this movie. Punching myself in the balls helped me redirect my anger and focus long enough to get this blog out. Hell, punching myself in the balls was actually less painful than this movie was. The only thing redeeming about it is when the end credits begin to roll and you know that relief has just came. Like a swift death, the movie is over. Clocking in at 86 minutes, this film happens to be 86 minutes to long.

Malibu's Most Wanted is racist in every aspect, and I'm suprised that the ghost of Malcom X didn't return to seek Jamie Kennedy out and crucify him on the lawn of John Whitesell. Severly retarded, ignorant, and unfunny, Malibu's Most Wanted proves without a shadow of a doubt that someone took a big shit on top of Hollywood and flushed... then the toilet got clogged from too much toilet paper from wiping the ass of the clown who gave these fucknuts money!!!

I honestly can't believe someone forked over the cash to fund this movie, let alone supported the idea of it long enough to see it get played worldwide at theaters. When this movie was released at the theaters, I have a feeling that God killed a kitten over this bullshit.

Rating: No turd given here to this giant shitfest of a movie. In fact, I should have turned this dreck off about 30 seconds in.