Queen of the Damned (2002)

Queen of the Damned

2002

Starring: Aaliyah, Stuart Townsend, Vincent Perez, Paul McGann, Marguerite Moreau

Directed By: Michael Rymer

I don't know really how to tackle this review since I'm not a fan of the Anne Rice books, but I'll give it my best shot and try not to be too mean.

After many years of sleeping in his coffin, the vampire Lestat (Stuart Townsend) awakens only to find that the world has changed and he wants to be a part of it. He gathers a following and becomes a rock star (yes, rock star) only to find that his music awakens the ancient Queen Akasha (Aaliyah) and she wants him to become her king.

Aaliyah comes into this shitfest about halfway through the movie, so technically it should be called The Vampire Lestat vs. The Queen of the Damned. Sounds like a better movie doesn't it? Well, I wish that were the case. Other than having vampire rockstars, the movie is quite dull and boring, which I guess is a good translation of the Anne Rice novels.

I don't like the Anne Rice books. I liked the Interview with a Vampire movie, but honestly I think that was because it was directed very well and had a good script. I read the book and found it dull and boring. I read The Vampire Lestat and started Queen of the Damned before I quit reading for fear of dying prematurely of boredom. I decided to watch Queen of the Damned in hopes it would be like Interview, but was I ever mistaken and disappointed.

First off, the music. The score is by Jonathan Davis of Korn and the soundtrack is probably the worst excuse for marketing a soundtrack I've ever seen. The music in places is good, but overall has too much of an industrial sound that takes away from it being a vampire movie. Second, the script... it's just plain awful. I can't think of one good thing to say about the story. In fact, it's so bad that after watching this movie, Queen of the Damned makes Elton John look straight.

The acting in the movie actually sucks (pardon the pun). I can't say one nice thing about the acting or the actors. Aaliyah was trying to act, but I'm sure it was hard seeing as the novels are so fucking boring. I'm willing to bet that after reading the script and attempting to read the novels, the cast just gave up and starting improvising on how their characters should be. At least, that's my theory.

The directing in this movie is all over the place. Is this a rock opera? Is this a horror movie? Is it a drama or romance? Is it all of the above? Michael Rymer the director seemed to not have been able to make up his mind, so he put every genre he could think of into his creative blender and hit the puree button. I mean he's best known for doing work in television, which isn't a good resume to have going into a literary translation is it? How many episodes of Battlestar Galactica can you write and direct before you're ready for a feature film? My guess is one or two.

Everything else about this movie is complete crap except for maybe one or two fx shots, which are mediocre cgi shots at best. It must have been complete humiliation for the cast and crew at the world premiere of this movie. I'm thinking that Anne Rice may have had someone killed over this movie if she didn't kill herself first.

Rock star vampires, bad dialogue and story, bad acting and directing all culminate in what's probably one of the worst movies ever made. In fact, it's no wonder Aaliyah died prematurely. She probably sold her soul to get into films in the first place and after making this movie, someone came to collect. It's just not fair that this was her last movie. That's like being on death row and asking for steak as your last meal, then getting cheap imitation beef and having the bad after taste in your mouth all the way to the electric chair. To be honest, her family should have sued some people for leaving her fans with such a horrible last image of her. I'm not a fan of hers, but I can understand how her fans must feel.

All in all, this movie and everything about it is complete garbage. I'd rather watch a good vampire movie like Fright Night (which was made almost eight years prior) than this crap fest. Anyone who actually likes this movie must either be (a) completely oblivious to good vampire movies or (b) completely up Anne Rice's ass. This movie made me literally want to hurt people for blaspheming against the good name of vampires.

In closing and one final thought, Blacula and Vampire in Brooklyn are better movies.

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