Year One (2009)

Year One

2009

Starring: Jack Black, Michael Cera, Oliver Platt, Vinnie Jones, Hank Azaria,

Directed By: Harold Ramis

Someone is getting fired. I know it. I can feel it deep in my bones. Someone's job got stripped from them when this movie came out. Before I get into that, let's see what this trainwreck of a movie's plot is.

According to IGN, the plot is as follows:

Year One, directed by Harold Ramis and produced by Judd Apatow, follows Zed (Jack Black) and Oh (Michael Cera), a hapless pair of Paleolithic hunter-gatherers who embark on the world's first road trip. Zed deems himself "Chosen" by God after he eats the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. Banished from their primitive tribe, the two embark on a journey to find out what life is all about, encountering several Old Testament figures along the way.

They first meet Cain (David Cross), who slays his brother Abel (Paul Rudd) over a simple disagreement that Zed and Oh inadvertently start. Fearing Cain's wrath, they reluctantly follow him back to his home to meet his parents Adam (Harold Ramis) and Eve (Rhoda Griffis) and siblings Lilith and Seth. Zed and Oh later cross paths with Abraham (Hank Azaria) as he is about to slay his son Isaac (Christopher Mintz-Plasse).

Zed and Oh eventually find themselves in the notorious city of Sodom, where they clash with the King (Xander Berkeley), the High Priest (Oliver Platt), and the head of the palace guard (Vinnie Jones). Once there, they must prove themselves by rescuing the respective objects of their affections Maya (June Diane Raphael) and Eema (Juno Temple) from slavery.

For the record, I really like Jack Black and Harold Ramis. Heck, I even like most of the supporting cast in Year One. After seeing this abomination of a comedy, I've lost some respect for everyone who had anything to do with this movie. I never liked Michael Cera to start with, so as far as he goes, I had nothing to lose with him. The problem is, Harold Ramis is either responsible for or had a lot to do with some of the greatest comedies in the last 30 years. Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Meatballs, Stripes, and Animal House. All classic comedies right? Well, with Year One, Harold Ramis just gave us all the finger and pissed all over the classic comedies I just mentioned.

With Jack Black... well, I like him. I'm a fan of Tenacious D and most of his movies, but here... WOW. It's like he just didn't even care about the movie. He just showed up, said some lines, ate some crap, and got paid. That's it. There's absolutely no characterization with him (or anyone else really). When watching it, you see Jack Black acting ridiculous and not acting one bit. It's sad really. Michael Cera just stands by and looks stupid for ninety minutes and adds absolutely nothing to this movie at all. He's there just to tag along behind Jack Black and add that "buddy element" to this horrific "buddy comedy".

The rest of the cast is littered with cameos. I could have dug better suprise cameos out of a litter box. No one is funny. No one. I repeat... NO ONE IS FUNNY. Hank Azaria comes close to being entertaining, but as soon as he starts stealing the scene, BAM.... Harold Ramis shifts gears someplace else less entertaining. It's almost like they threw a bunch of names into a hat, drew out twenty or so, and those people were forced at gunpoint to be in this movie. Everyone has this look of "I do not want to be here" etched on their faces. It's sad really. In fact,once this movie was over, I shed a tear... a single tear for someone's career.

After seeing this movie, I realized that someone had to get fired when this thing was made public. The reason I say this is watching this movie made me feel raped. I felt like I had been sent to "failed movie prison", taken to my cell, and then raped by twenty inmates while my helpless cries fell on deaf ears. This movie is that bad. It makes me wonder if anyone screened it before it got released. My guess is no it didn't, thus someone losing their job.

Not all of it is THAT bad... no wait... yes, yes it was. When the movie was over, it was like finally taking that dump that has made you on edge for a 90 minute road-trip. Your stomach no longer hurts from holding the crap back, but your butt is sensitive from the pushing. Except here there is no pushing. It's like it's being forced in. All of the jokes suffer from very little set-up and too much punchline. After about twenty minutes in, you're praying to God that he'll release you from the evil grips this movie has on you. It wouldn't be so bad if it were anyone else than Harold Ramis, but you just expect more from someone of his calibur.

Speaking of Harold Ramis, I was thinking about him reviving the Ghostbusters franchise with Dan Akroyd during this movie. Then I saw Ramis onscreen and came to the conclusion that he actually ate Dan Akroyd. Man this guy has filled out. He's pushing maximum density on that Egon Spengler frame of his. All of which just made this so painful to watch and made me secretly hope that Ghostbusters 3 never sees the light of day.

Year One was co-written by Ramis and Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, who the latter two co-write The Office. I was shocked because I like Ramis and I like The Office. Then I see Year One and wonder what went wrong. Supposedly the same three (with Dan Akroyd) are working on the Ghostbusters 3 script. To that I say.... May you all be struck down with a sudden case of comedic genious otherwise, you three are about to ruin the last great thing from my childhood. I really hope that if anyone got fired or blacklisted from the horrific afterbirth that is Year One, it's the two writers who shaped this lump of feces with Ramis, because I really don't want them touching Ghostbusters at all now. In fact, I think I actually like The Office a little less now. I know I'll never see Stripes or Animal House in the same light again. It's like Ramis had the Midas Touch and then one day just started randomly touching turds. No matter how golden they seem on the outside, there's still a lump of crap underneath.

So with the horrible script, horrific acting, and nonsensical directing... Year One shapes up to be one of the worst comedies I've ever had the displeasure of watching. I've seen some BAD movies in my day, and Year One ranks up there with them all. So, viewer be warned... Year One should only be watched in trailer form and then forgotten. According to some sources I've read, Year One was originally planned to be a raunchy "R" comedy, but was trimmed down to "PG-13". It makes me wonder if the editing was to blame for the movie being totally unfunny, but no matter where you try to shift the blame, nothing excuses the pitiful script, pathetic acting, and unoriginal directing.

All in all, this turd of a movie should be flushed.

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